The Art of Pretending to Enjoy Kale (While Secretly Eyeing a Burger)
Ah, kale—our leafy green overlord. It’s been touted as a “superfood,” plastered onto smoothies, baked into chips, and shoved into unsuspecting salads everywhere. But here’s the uncomfortable truth no one wants to admit: not all of us love kale. Some of us, ahem, find it as appetizing as chewing on a bitter, fibrous doormat. And that’s okay. It’s time to peel back the shiny veneer of the kale trend and talk about what we’re all secretly thinking while munching on those depressing leaves: “I’d rather have a burger.”
The Pressure of the "Superfood" Trend
Superfood trends are like fashion trends but worse. You won’t go broke buying kale, but you might lose your sanity pretending to like it. Why does “kale worship” exist, and why do people feel obligated to enjoy it? Social expectation—that’s why. It’s the same reason we have conversations like, “Oh, you don’t have a kale salad? Are you even trying to be healthy?” Cue the guilt.
The thing is, labeling kale (or any food) as a "superfood" adds this massive pressure to love it. Spoiler alert: just because kale is labeled as super does not mean it has magical powers. It's some greens, fiber, and vitamins. Great? Sure. Life-changing? Hardly. News flash—the same nutrients can be found in countless other vegetables—ones that actually taste good. Looking at you, spinach. You will always have my heart.
Can We Just Be Honest About Kale?
Here’s the thing about kale salads—they mostly taste like crunchy misery unless doused in so much dressing it negates any perceived health benefits. Kale chips? They're a lie. They're not chips, they’re sadness disguised as something crispy. Don’t even get me started on blending it into smoothies and ruining perfectly good fruit.
It’s okay to not like kale. Say it with me now. “I don’t like kale.” There, doesn’t that feel liberating? If you do happen to genuinely enjoy kale, I’m happy for you. But for the rest of us pretending to love it while swallowing bitterness along with our pride, it’s time for a reality check.
The Kale Burger Debate—Or Why Burgers Are Better
Here’s a radical thought—what if a well-made burger is actually healthier (and more satisfying) than that sad bowl of kale? Cue the gasps and clutching of imaginary pearls. But hear me out. A high-quality burger isn’t the villain we’ve been led to believe. Strip it down to its essentials, and you’ve got something downright nutritious.
The Beef: A grass-fed beef patty is loaded with protein, vitamins, and minerals (B12 anyone?) that fuel your muscles, boost your metabolism, and keep you full. That’s right, burgers can actually help you lose weight by supporting lean muscle growth and curbing hunger. Kale, meanwhile? Sure, it has some fiber and nutrients, but it won’t keep you satiated unless you’ve eaten enough of it to make a cow jealous.
The Cheese: You can toss some good-quality cheese on that patty for calcium and healthy fats. Fancy! It’s the luxury your kale salad doesn’t offer (unless you're topping it with cheese, which—guess what—just eat the burger at that point).
The Toppings: Lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, avocado—your burger doubles as a salad-in-disguise. The ingredients are fresh, delicious, and adaptable to your taste buds. Kale doesn’t do that.
The Bun Debate: Ah, yes, the villainous burger bun. Sure, it’s not a "health food," but you have options! A lettuce wrap, a low-carb bun, or even no bun can keep your burger lean while still hitting all those flavor notes. Bonus points for minimal regret after eating one.
If all of that still has you shaking your head because “kale is life,” consider this—sit down to a plate with nothing but kale on it. Now sit down to a simple beef patty. Which one would genuinely make you happy and energized? I think we know the answer here.
Why Food Trends Are Weirdly Arbitrary
Who gets to crown “superfoods” anyway? It’s marketing—a mix of good PR, trendy diets, and influencers. Food trends are driven more by perception than science. Kale isn’t more “super” than broccoli, spinach, or even cabbage. And while these greens rotate in and out of trend cycles, nutrient-packed real foods like meat, eggs, and fish don’t usually get the same kind of love. Why? Probably because burgers don’t look as cute on a Pinterest board.
But the truth is, high-protein, whole foods like meat (yes, your juicy burger patty again) do wonders for weight loss, muscle building, and metabolism boosting. That’s science, not just trend-driven nonsense.
How to Survive Kale Season (Without Losing Your Mind)
Just skip it—unless, of course, you're one of the rare people who genuinely enjoy it. And if that's the case, well... we might have to rethink our friendship.
The Art of Balance (and Moderation)
The real secret to eating well and staying healthy isn’t about swearing allegiance to kale or demonizing burgers. It’s about balance. A burger now and then won’t ruin your health, and kale certainly won’t turn you into a superhuman. Eating should be about what works for you. Listen to your body, eat with joy, and remember—life’s too short to choke down food you don’t even like.
Now, excuse me while I go enjoy a big fat double stacked burger—with avocado, tomatoes, and cheese. And maybe a pickle on the side. Kale can stay on the sidelines where it belongs.