Gains or Friends: The Real Fitness Dilemma
You’ve probably heard it a million times before: “You are the sum of the five people you hang out with the most.” Sounds deep, right? But have you taken the time to think about what that really means—especially when it comes to your fitness goals? Spoiler alert—it could mean your friends are killing your gains.
Now, before you go pointing fingers at your bestie or storming into your group chat to announce you’re "breaking up" with everyone, hear me out. There’s some truth to this, and it’s worth unpacking.
When Friendship Becomes Fitness Sabotage
Friends are great. They’re the people you laugh with, vent to, and maybe even binge-watch bad reality TV shows with. But here’s the thing—your habits rub off on each other. Ever notice how your “one glass of wine” nights with friends mysteriously turn into emptying a bottle (or two)? Well, it works the same way with health and fitness.
If your inner circle is packed with people who live on takeout, skip workouts, and celebrate life’s wins with “just one cheat meal” every damn day, guess what? That lifestyle starts creeping into yours too. Suddenly, that gym membership you were hyped about feels less enticing when your squad is hitting happy hour on leg day.
The reverse is true too. Surround yourself with health-conscious friends—the ones meal-prepping like pros, rocking their activewear daily, and ordering water instead of soda—and you’re more likely to follow suit. You mirror what’s around you.
Peer Pressure Doesn’t End After High School
Whoever said peer pressure is a teenage thing clearly hasn’t tried to dodge pizza night with their friends while on a strict meal plan. Even as adults, we can’t escape those knowing side-eyes and comments like, “Oh, come on. One burger won’t kill you!”
Here’s the kicker, though. Friends might not even know they’re sabotaging you. It’s not like they’re sitting in a dark room with evil plans to ruin your fitness goals. But their habits—or lack of them—can act like subtle barriers, keeping you from prioritizing your health. And let’s be real, some people don’t get why you might choose spinach over fries without making a big deal out of it.
Romantic Relationships Are Game-Changers Too
Okay, now here’s where it gets tricky. Your romantic relationship has the power to skyrocket your health or plummet it into chaos. Research even shows that when only one partner starts focusing on fitness and wellness, tensions can arise. Fun fact (or maybe not-so-fun): couples where only one partner invests in health improvements are more likely to hit turbulence—and sometimes even divorce. Yikes.
I’ve had clients venting about struggling with this. They want to meal prep, stick to a workout routine, and do better for themselves, but their partner? Not so much. Instead of meal planning, they end up negotiating over takeout options or arguing about why one person insists on waking up at 5 a.m. to hit the gym.
Set Boundaries, Save Your Gains
Look, it’s not all doom and gloom. You don’t have to ghost your friends or delete your partner from your life just to drop body fat or hit a PR. But you do need to set priorities and boundaries.
Eat Before You Go Out: One of my clients told me how she hated eating out with friends because she felt judged for ordering a salad. Our solution? Eat a healthy meal beforehand so she could enjoy something small and social when out with her friends. No judgment, no guilt.
Build Your Fitness Crew: I’ve seen firsthand how community gyms bring people together. Find a gym buddy. Better yet, find several. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people works wonders for those days when your motivation is at an all-time low.
Communicate Your Goals: Be clear with your friends or partner about your fitness priorities. Who knows? They might even join you on this ride. (Trust me, I’d trade my “Why do you go to the gym every day?” arguments for “What are we hitting today?” any time.)
Make Some Gym Friends
The good news? Gyms can be an incredible place to make new, fitness-focused friends who will understand your need to hit the squat rack instead of the pub. I’ve worked in community gyms, and the camaraderie there is next level. It’s amazing to see people supporting one another, cheering for PRs, swapping food tips, and just generally spreading those good vibes. This is why hiring a trainer, joining a group class, or immersing yourself in a fitness community can be game-changing.
Reflect on Your Circle
Here’s where we get real—you need to evaluate your circle. Ask yourself:
Are my friends supportive of my goals?
Do they inspire and push me to be better, healthier, stronger?
Or are they subtly holding me back with unhealthy habits or unhelpful comments?
If you feel like your current social circle is standing between you and your goals, there’s no harm in expanding it. It doesn’t mean you have to excommunicate your besties. It just means thinking critically about what you need and surrounding yourself with people who align with your priorities.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, the only person responsible for your well-being is you. Your friends and family are great, but they aren’t the ones lifting the weights, running the miles, or cooking your meals.
And hey, if this post hits a little too close to home, don’t worry—it’s not too late to course-correct. Find your tribe, set your goals, and protect your gains at all costs.
Share this post with friends who need a reality check. Who knows? Maybe they’ll ditch that second margarita and join you on leg day.